The first time I saw this image, I was immediately thrust back in time. Driving down the highway, mouth wide open, screaming in despair.
I had just received a phone call that bore news I couldn't handle.
I was thirty-two years old. A single parent of two and divorced twice over.
I had been dating a man from my church, and after learning he had relapsed from his drug addiction, I immediately ended the relationship.
His addiction was to crack cocaine, a world I knew nothing about and wanted no part of.
The phone call I received confirmed I was pregnant.
Immediate desperation. Immediate fear. Immediate shame.
And this had nothing to do with how I felt about my baby and everything to do with me.
What was I going to do?
How would I support three children on my own?
How could I continue to have such bad judgment?
What will people think of me?
There is no way God has a plan for my future; I have made such a mess.
What have I done?
What is wrong with me?
How could I have screwed up so badly? (https://www.tellingmystory.ca/post/faded-whispers)
I am so afraid!
God used my darling baby boy to change my life.
It became obvious the common denominator in my failed relationships was me. Yes, my exes had issues, but I was the one being drawn to men with issues.
I committed to a two-year, Christ-centered program called Conquering Codependency. (https://www.tellingmystory.ca/resources)
Through the twelve steps, I learned the whys and began to develope tools to navigate my self-sabotaging behaviour toward healthier choices in relationships and life in general.
Today, I look back and am thankful.
Today, I look back and can see the wisdom I now have from the experiences I then lived.
Today, God uses my talents and gifts to share what He has taught me to others.
Today, I shine His light to those in a darkness I understand.
Today, I am thankful for my past. It has made me the person I am, a woman saved by Grace.
Today, I am the woman I am because God never left me nor forsaken me. (Heb.13:5)
Today, I have the life I have because I serve an incredible God.
AND!! I am so excited about my future and what God is going to do next!!
God uses what we have done to mold us into what He wants us to become… if we allow Him.
When you look back into your past and feel pain, know that God has a plan to take that pain and turn it for good.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” 1 Peter 5:10
Forgive yourself. Trust your Heavenly Father’s plan and enjoy the Blessings He will bring from the pain.